|Posted on December 6, 2011 at 5:30 AM|
Is "change" an illusion?
I'm like a lot of people; I do not like change if I do not know what the results of the change will be. For anything. Unfortunately, that means in general I just do not like change. Of course I know that in almost every case, there is no way I can be absolutely certain what results will occur; I'm not psychic, and I don't think I want to be.
Change means we have limited power. The change may produce more power, or less. For example, my little sis was thrilled I was getting a motorcycle, until I brought up the subject of my will once more. I'm 45, a home owner, and I have very specific conditions for my life's ending, which she also will have control over. As I am soon to be riding a "killing machine", I thought it best to get my ass in gear and finish my will, but she doesn't want to talk about it. She's like my mom was; ignore it and it won't happen. I love Anne, but she can drive me nuts. I guess it's only fair. Lord knows, I drive her nuts all too often. How do you convince someone that a change, which is inevitable, can be made less stressful, when they don't even want to think about it? Any suggestions?
I have to chuckle. My sis is worried about my protection on the motorcycle. I've even picked out my next one. It'll be a Honda CBR250R - maximum speed about 140mph. And that's all the speed I'll ever need. It fits me nicely. Looks damned hot, and I can manage it easily. Damn. A Honda CBR1000R is fucking awesome! It's top speed is about 320mph and it is so beautiful and sleek, but I can't support the weight! I felt like a little kid trying to move a mountain! LOL - back to my sis - I would like to reassure everyone. I have a full head helmet, with complete jaw protection. My protective jacket is synthetic, with extra inner lining for warmth, and specialized flexible plating to protect my spine, full shoulders and blades, and the underside and elbows on each arm. I'm not screwing around here folks. I'm very serious. (However, this doesn't mean that once I'm comfortable on my bike that I won't become a bit more lax with the coat thing, I am human and I am used to hitting the ground, but rest assured, the helmet will be a constant staple anytime I ride.)
Change. I've been dying my hair for about a year now. I use two shades, varying from one to the other, depending on my frame of mind. Both are extremely close to my natural colour, so don't strain your eyes looking for a "blond" Barb; you'll never find her. I love being a brunette. But, in no way, am I going to look older than I feel, so until my head goes entirely grey or silver, I refuse to tolerate these scattered web strings, which is what it looks like.
Change. A few months ago, I limited my diet even more that it was, i.e. portion size. My waistline had "adapted" to being 45 years old, which I did not appreciate after all the work I've done to keep my weight down. I do believe that in our elder years, we reach the realization that shape/size isn't important, however, I follow a much stronger belief: FAT PEOPLE ARE UGLY! Yes yes yes, it's what's inside that's important. Uh huh. Probably some magazine model, standing 5'9", weighing 100lbs soaking wet, with a C cup chest, and a tight little ass, at the age of 17, who's preaching that looks aren't everything. F-U-C-K Y-O-U.
I went shopping at Fairview Pointe Claire last week; a fabulous mall. Jolly Tours and Travel in Cornwall offers day trips, and every year they offer this one in early December. They get you there and home; the rest is us to you, which includes about 7 hours of shopping. We got there a little after 10 am, were scheduled to leave at 5 pm, and I was exhausted by 2pm. I had bought my personal Christmas gift to myself, a couple extra, enjoyed some treats, and that was it. (That mall needs a bar; seriously!) Ran into a couple of old friends, met some new folk, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. A day away sure does help alleviate the daily routine you can get stuck with. Change.
Change happens every second, minute, hour, day, week, month.......Routine is reliable, secure, but boring. I need challenges. I need to be tested. But I am not a fan of change. So how in hell do you cope with that? I'm not sure, but I must be doing okay; I'm still here. I have family and friends. I own a house. I own a motorcycle. I have food for my table, clothes on my back and two jobs that I'm told I'm very good at - must be doing something right.
I'm really disgusted with the lack of literacy among the 20'ish generation. I noticed two younger people, early 20's, use the following spellings - rite (right) and femail (female). I had hoped it was some specialized spelling for texting or whatever, but nope. They actually thought this was how these words are spelled. Excuse me a moment --- rrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaallllllpppppppppphhhhhhhhhhh--- upchucked. Please tell me how in hell anyone, nowadays, could have such idiotic, useless knowledge?
Ever wonder if someone is watching out for you? Just last Thursday I had called my district manager Steve to enquire about extra work, which would require using my bicycle. I do not like this idea as I cannot rely on the weather this time of year. Just a bit of snow or ice and cycling becomes extremely dangerous. He said he would "do his best, leave it with me", (uh huh). The following Saturday, as I'm biking along, I hop a curb, done it a million times, but this one time, my rear tube bursts. And, of course, on Monday, I couldn't reach my guys at Total Cyclery, so I had to call Steve and tell him it was a no-go; at least until I can get the tires and tubes replaced, which probably will take about two weeks, (have to wait for tires to come in!) See? Someone knew I would try cycling in bad weather just to earn a few extra bucks, and stopped me "cold". (I personally believe it was our Lord - that or my dad was nagging him!)
Thought for the day - Originally, I was going to talk about a family member, whom I've recently discovered has been keeping "tabs" on me via Facebook, despite her being completely blocked. I never thought that she would be able to manipulate other family members to provide her with information. I would literally have to de-friend everyone on my list; I will not do that. That is one change I will not entertain. So, my few readers/followers, I decided to not bother you with specifics of this person, and to not play into her delusions. Consider this my Christmas gift to you. God bless, and remember, there is always someone watching. Any change has outcome; what will you do when the consequences happen? The results may be out of your power, but you will still be you. Perhaps just a better version.